Serious thoughts...

It's been 2 month since i pen down anything. Last time, Yeo Yeo still read my blog, but i guess she don't read anymore. In fact, there are some issues that it is very hard to speak but easier to pen down.


These few months, i remembered i wrote to Yeo Yeo about how i feels, then i felt great that i let her know how i felt. But recently, i felt that we are drifting apart greatly. First, it seems that i was competing with Paul and gang to find time to spend time with her, in fact i remembered that several occasions i waited at home for her and them in the end just a phone call telling me she reached and she wanted to sleep.

Till now i still remember before i flew to Chiangmai, she wrote me a message telling me that she did not know how much she miss me.. I was very touched then but there are issues that still bother me,that is the question that, does she really cherish me and does she really love me. At times, unfortunately i really do not feel this way. Sometimes i ask myself, do i want to think that i am selfish?

But as times passes, there are incident that begme to agree, for instance, on 28 Aug, i was hoping to see her after  we missed our friday and sat due to her involvement with her brother and sister in law. So that both days instead of spending time i stay at home, on the contrary, i did my assignment. But then again, some article i came across, your love ones must understand you emotionally and physically as you might going to spent the rest of your life with her.

But on 28 Aug , i met her happily and when she board the car, she began to nag about her unpleasant encounter with her mum. Instantly, i remember she mentioned before that i did not treat her to eat JACK's Place, so i suggest to go for that after movie. She say no need and knowing that she is moody i also offered to buy her a hair band, although cheap but if i can cheer her up, i will. Despite also tight with cash i am ok to go Jack Place. Then i suggested to go eat at jalan besar cos i know she would like the belachan fish.

Then the unpleasant happened, she knew i did not transfer the money, she began to be bad mood again. Instantly i felt very sad for few reasons, first i was angry with myself. Next i am sad cos i think money can break us apart. I instantly felt that the only way to make her normal is "money" kinda sad.

When we ended postpone our arrangement i also lose a lot of money. i guess to her money is everything, sometime i agreed but can she buy happiness with money? maybe to her , she can... i am kinda sad also because all i wanted is to cheer her up and this what i got.

I brush this aside and next day started my planning at 0730am and ended the day 11pm. I wanted to spent time with her again as it is a holiday eve, unfortunately we did not manage to catch movie i decide to have supper with her.

Sometime it is not i dislike Zijian, but sometime i felt that if she feels for zijian , knwoing that he lack this and that, does she sometime felt for my feeling? Zijian going to grow upa nd have gf and wun spent time with u when u are old. I am going to be your lifelong partner if thing went well with us.. So sometime when we are not seeing each other so often already, can't u just leave your nephew at home?

On top of that, i waited for her brother and his friends to finish despite working at 0730 and ending at 11pm. I know if i bring this issue, she will rebuke me and say" don't come see me if your are tired" but really a little understanding is that much i ask from you?


Lastly, the reason why i wrote this is not to complain , i just want her to know that we both need attention and love and we are humans. i am not writing also to ask for break up but i really hope we can improve our relationship. I also not sure if she felt that i smell that why i haven kiss her for so long... kinda sad really...








 

Thoughts i have in mind !

Constantly, i am thinking very hard, how come someone can be so successful and rich. I just read in the paper that an entrepreneur, who was working as a steward 8 years, he decide to be property guru and now he owns several chains of business. Comparing to him. although mine is a prestige job, i think i am deeply in debt and always i want to get out from it but i lack determination.

I need to work hard to get myself out of this and the reason why i am writing this, i need to be determine and work out something. Jiayou! i need my life back.