The New Appointment

I was suppose to write this quite sometime back. But due to the hectic work schedule that just concluded 2 days ago. I managed to pen down the thoughts that i had during the past month that was crucial or would i say that could change my life? 

I start with, something that i planned for myself and my partner, but due to my work. I am worried and skeptical with what lies ahead. The vision that i had was not really very bright? The work that i encounter somewhat belittle me. The constant scolding from my boss, which is very unfair and mean lets me to ponder 1 night about myself, who i am and what i can contribute to my partner. I felt that i am always very cash tight? I dunno why, bills after bills kept coming to me and when i started to think further. I began to realize that if i would to get married, would i be also like that? That would be unfair to her also. 

I need some discipline and time to sort out my own stuff and also my work. I need to grasp well for my work and to do that i also need to balance my studies as well. This seems to be too much for me to handle and sometime i felt that no one really understand what i am going through. 

Actually, i also dun know why this exercise, allows me to do reflection and the reason i could give is that maybe i am scolded so badly by my boss that i began to reflect why i am here and what i have achieved. This is something which sadden myself, i felt that i have not achieved what i need to have. I also felt that at times i need someone to love me. 

For my Pris, she is really an ideal gal, but the only issue is that she does not know how to love someone and that she is too money minded. I guess sometime i had to understand but at times i felt that we are not intimate enough. I felt that something is lacking and that we are going through a process. 

Today i sms my dearie and mentioned to her our "problem" but then i guess she say i very cold towards her and that i don't miss her. I just felt that suddenly i need to think hard enough and i really dont want to repeat my mistake with agnes again. The fear started to crept in and i think i have some pre marriage depression and i dunno why if you ask me. 

Maybe after a while everything will be all right. Let give each other sometime to sort things out.